Why must I deal with these people?!

Ok...I think the time has finally come. I am about to murder whoever keeps calling the house. I'm having to use a wireless connection down in my lair. This isn't so bad. Dynex makes quality products and I'm happy when it works. But...and this is what pisses me off...whenever the stupid house phone rings (its cordless) MY WIRELESS CONNECTION DIES!!! This is something I have been trying to fix for the longest time. Seriously, how stupid is this. I'm trying to do a little chatting, trying to keep what little social life I have left alive, and some schmuck calls the house trying to sell some crap we will NEVER need. Everyone in this house has a freakin cell phone. Would it be so hard to just use those, and just unplug the stupid house phone. It would save a little money and I wouldn't want to kill anyone who so much as touches the house phone. I've been trying to figure out why this happens, and have yet to figger it out.

On to why I'm really here. I've been doing a little thinking. I am a rather big Marvel fan and I can't really wait for X-Men Origins to come out. Here's my thinking. With Marvel Civil War we get to see heroes fight other heroes. Truly the best "Who would beat Whom" type comic. But, what if every hero, Marvel, DC, Black Horse, whatever, had an all-out brawl. Who would come out victorious.

I know there are heroes out there like Superman, Mr. Invincible, and others who have this whole "invulnerability" thing. Batman's got some kryptonite, and Mr. Invincible can't die, doesn't mean he can't be dismembered. The Hulk has a decent shot at being #1 what with only getting more pissed and stronger when he gets beat upon. Only problem is that the Hulk reverts to Banner when rendered unconcious, and he is susceptable to mental attack.

I look forward to what kinds of matchups you folks might decide upon. Feel free to comment and share!

Til next time, Excelsior!

The Dark and Evil that is making me sad.

Ok, the Elegant Elementalist has something to talk about this time. I've been cruising the interwebs and talking to anyone who wasn't a bot, or didn't try to start a flame war with me. I find I'm really starting to get pissed off at these ignorant people, who for just the hell of it, start arguments online. It's stupid. How empty and useless is your life, that you decide, "Hey! I'm gonna go online and call some random person gay! Yeah that seems like a good idea!" These people are a scourge on the internet and should all be beaten with sticks. Or, just put them all in the same chat room with all the bots. They can flame and spam all they like and leave us superior minded humans alone.

Oh, and another thing! What is with all these people online with names like Darkone4883 or Being_of_Shadows82? Ye gods, how many people do you actually think are gonna believe you are a demon, or even remotely evil. Think about this, all you goth wannabes: If your online name ends in a number exceeding two digits, you are not original, you are not gothic, you are not a demon, you are living at home with your mom. You are probably online at a library, your mom brought you, and you're named Trevor or Cody or Evan. Same goes for the "Gothic Lifestyle" Just because you wear black clothes, black makeup, and shop at Hot Topic does not, I repeat DOES NOT MAKE YOU GOTH! Even shortening the word is stupid. It's Gothic! How lazy are you that you can't even pronounce the "ic"? Besides, being gothic doesn't mean you pretend to be a tortured soul who no one understands. Take your lithium, wear something less monochromatic, and get some sun. Otherwise you just look like a 1940's clown who didn't try hard enough to look funny.

Ok, enough from me. Until next time!

EXCELSIOR!

My Life Needs a Pause Button

These are some things I have learned from video games:

...On Life:

• When you are born, you drop out of the sky (a stork?) and are completely invincible for a short time.
• All martial arts women wear revealing clothes and have great bodies.
• All martial arts men have rippling muscles and angry expressions.
• If someone other than you dies, they disappear.
• Whenever huge, fat, evil men are about to die, they begin flashing red or yellow.
• No matter how long you fight, you can always fight again.
• Your death is reversible, just keep an eye on those icons.
• Carpe diem! You still have lives left!

...On Problem-Solving

• There is no problem that cannot be overcome by violence.
• If it moves, KILL IT!
• Shoot everything. If it blows up or dies, it was evil. If it doesn't, try picking it up--- it was probably a bonus.
• You can smash things and get away with it.

A. Smashing things doesn't hurt.

B. Many nice things are hidden inside other things.

• 200-to-1 odds against you: NOT a problem.

...On Daily Routine

• If you see food lying on the ground, eat it.
• Money is frequently found lying on the streets.
• You never run out of ammunition, just grenades.
• Piloting any vehicle is simple and requires no training.
• When driving, you can knock other vehicles off the road and get away with it.
• When racing vehicles, do not worry if your vehicle crashes and explodes. A new vehicle will appear in its place.
• Ninjas are common, and fight in public frequently.
• All shopkeepers carry high-tech weaponry.
• The operation of a weapon is a simple and obvious procedure.

...On Friends & Enemies

• The enemy always leaves weapons lying around for no reason other than to aid you in defeating them.
• Gang members frequently all look the same, and often have the same names.
• As a rule of thumb; Cybertrons are our friends, Human(oid)s are not .

Always remember, you will live forever as long as you have enough quarters!

Excelsior!